I Wish Someone Were Waiting For Me Somewhere

Anna Gavalda - I remember the little booklet buried among the other more stately and prominent hardcovers. It caught my eye as i scanned through the vertical spines quickly (before I got a crick in the neck), and picked it out immediately. The title must've struck a chord somehow...

What followed was an engrossing read of courting rituals, lovers' antics and love stories; by Gavalda's writing sometimes subtly sensual, sometimes wildly passionate, or blatantly erotic, always with a pinch of salt. Courting Rituals of the Saint-Germain-des-Prés was especially fun to read as the opening story: when the mysterious stranger answers his cell phone on a first date, our heroine decides she has heard enough to cut short what could have been a passionate love affair. ("I come to my senses all at once. Traitor. Ingrate.") - Hilarious =P

Other stories: a salesman who unwittingly caused a horrific road accident and doesn't realise it until he reads the papers the next morning; two boys who borrowed their father's Jag for a night out and ended up destroying it; a veterinarian gang-raped by drunken farmers in a small town and gets her revenge. From first person to third person narratives, Gavalda tugs the heartstrings and plucks the nerves deftly. She brings up a whole gamut of emotions - loneliness, longing, pain, desperation, all stylishly and insightfully written.

****

My God, it's so surreal that I am able to say this: I do have someone waiting for me now..in Bali. Someone wonderful and someone I'm crazy about. It does feel wonderful.

36 hours to go..

Grandma

For some time now, we've been worrying about Grandma - she's been slipping into mild depression since realizing that she can't seem to remember things. Sometimes she sits alone in the dark unable to sleep. Sometimes she cries. I find out later from Mom that she had misplaced some money, and couldn't recall where she left it. Other than that triggering incident, Grandma seems to forget, too, simple recent things like what she had for her last meal (hey sometimes that happens to me too..).We think it might be the beginning of Alzheimer's, but it is too early to tell.

Once when I was sitting in the living room with her, she said to me quietly,"Grandma is old now, useless, cannot remember anything, my mind is empty, it feels empty here(with her hand over her heart)." As best as i try to translate this, believe me, it is a hundred times more poignant in Hokkien, my grandma's mother tongue, and the only language she speaks.

She weeps. I've never seen Grandma cry. I respond and try to say it's ok, she has all of us with her, her family. She doesn't stop crying: I guess it's immensely overwhelming once it gets to you. I feel helpless. I got up and went to her, and hugged her. It was the first time in 28 years that i've ever hugged my grandma, who brought me up through my wilful childhood, saw me through my rebellious teenage years. The one I loved the most, who always had a patient word for my tempers.

I hugged my grandma. She cries sadly, and as much as i know this is strange to her, she puts her arms around me and hugs me back. Tears are wetting my eyes, and even as I write this.

...

Another possibility is that it could be situational depression - loneliness, in which case we will have to put in more conscious efforts to keep grandma company, even just calling her for a few minutes from work in the day.

...

She seems a little better now. One morning I woke up early and it was still dark and was getting ready to go to the gym, Ah-ma woke up too, saw me and asked "Why are you up so early?" and i answered instinctively "I was hungry and couldn't sleep" :P She laughed.

A week later, we were having lunch at home, and Grandma kept putting food into my bowl and said (even after I've finished the rice) "Why don't you eat some rice? Rice will fill you up." I replied that I've finished my rice. She laughed her usual jovial laugh, turned and said softly to my uncle, "Hungry cannot sleep".

...

You see, we remember the most important things, things about people who matter most to us; and as much as memory fails us, love doesn't. :)

BALI

I'm finally planning a holiday in Bali!

i'm soooo excited :D my heart is going thumpthumpthump

i need a foot soak...

let's see ..
i decided to turn green and go for a walk in the tree tops - it's called a TreeTop Trail.

so there i go, on this blazing hot Sunday afternoon in the MacRitchie reservoir, with an equally orientationally-challenged budster - the good thing is we get along great. The disappointing thing is we didn't get to see much of anything animated. I mean trees and plants sway in the wind..but nothing compared to a flying squirrel swooping over your head or spotting a parakeet just out of you reach..ye know? so it kinda ended in a pathos after we crossed that TreeTop bridge.

On this walk, i wished i'd paid more attention in botannical class back in school, so I could tell a pompom tree from a raintree, hey they all look the same from above! the whole canopy's just a blanket of green) or a twig from an insect.

All the same, I had a nice time away from the city noise and concrete; it was refreshing to take a walk through the trees :)

Try it sometime... ;)

happy thoughts...

Chinese New Year coming up ... hmm...think i'll go for a manicure.. =)

I dipped my oars into the silent lake
And, as I rose upon the stroke, my boat
Went heaving through the water like a swan.
Wordsworth